Kevin Love’s new Banana Republic ad is bizarre and we have no idea what’s happening

A close reading.

Kevin Love isn’t exactly someone you’d classify as a “fashion icon,” but he is rolling out a new fashion line for Banana Republic, and as such his new commercial with Lindsey Vonn is haunting me.

By my count I’ve seen this ad roughly 35 times while binge-watching episodes of House Hunters: International on Hulu — which led to the revelation that this whole commercial makes no damn sense. So if you’ll indulge me we’re going to try to break this down in the hopes of settling on a reason it exists.

0-2 seconds: Kevin stares at shirts lifelessly.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone this empty while looking at clothes, let along clothes they designed themselves. Also, why is Kevin looking at shirts? He’s wearing a shirt. Does he choose to wander around his walk in closet on the regular, staring at his shirt collection and contemplating the meaning of life?

2-5 seconds: Kevin gets a voicemail.

Now, we can assume from the whole closet scene that Kevin is getting ready to leave the house. His phone says it’s 9:19 p.m. when Lindsey Vonn left the voicemail. Why didn’t he just pick up his phone? It’s not like he was doing anything important.

Lindsey wants her gold medal back, which presumably Kevin stole — so she has a very important issue to discuss with him. He’s just looking at shirts. Kevin should have picked up his phone.

9 seconds: Kevin can’t find the medal.

Kevin starts looking for the medal, but it’s not among his prized possessions. Now, let’s consider for a sec what Kevin’s prized possessions are:

• A certificate saying he’s a chef. Okay, this is fine.
• A framed photo of him with chef Marcus Samuelsson — also fine.
• A KEVIN LOVE BOBBLEHEAD!
• A wine glass.
• A pie server.

The first two I get, but Kevin can’t even be bothered to keep Lindsey Vonn’s Olympic medal with his treasured bobblehead and pie server. Instead he’s stuffed it into a drawer with his belts.

14 seconds: Kevin Love, ski god.

So we learn that the only reason Kevin won the race is my cheating. He jumped over a ski cabin while wearing a suit and apparently has a framed action shot. Also, let’s not discount the polar bear photo next to it. What is this ad?

24 seconds: Kevin stuffs the medal in his pocket.

So while Lindsey is pleading with Kevin to give her medal back he’s still getting dressed and decides to mischievously stuff it into his suit pocket. Where does he plan to take this medal? Is he going to give it back? Wouldn’t it just be easier to text Vonn and be like “Yeah, I’m bringing it back.”?

Also, what was this bet? Lindsey never thought the bet was actually for her gold medal, so why did Kevin get it? Does she keep her gold medal on her at all times, just in case she needs to ski-race an NBA player and risk it on the mountain? What was Kevin going to give if he lost? His bobblehead?

This is clearly going to be a multi-part commercial for Banana Republic, but so far I have absolutely no clue what the hell is going on.